The hills are alive….….with the sound of schnitzels.

A brief trip to Austria.

Seldom have I been more stressed as when I embarked on my epic journey to Vienna earlier this month.

Going via Heathrow looked like a good idea at the time- pre snow, pre new terrorist threats- but generated enough adrenalin to power several rounds of paint ball.

The somewhat tight schedule meant that no hold luggage was possible so the evening before was spent identifying the biggest possible bag within the absurdly small restrictions, filled with precisely 8kg of clothes and other gear. Knowing it would be cold meant heavier clothes; that was before I knew the Austrian penchant for sauna- high temperatures in their houses and offices.

Manchester security had ‘issues’ with the pepper and salt mills in my bag (‘why do you need to take these with you madam?’) and my belongings were X rayed 3 times. Bizarrely though, I was not asked to show my passport until I actually arrived in Austria.

The snow lying along the roadside in Vienna would normally have elicited much excitement but we’d seen it all before and were more interested in learning how Austrians cope with it. For those who are also interested, they use a mixture of salt and gravel which they spread on the pavements and at the end of the snow they sweep all the gravel up to reuse it the following year.

We arrived at the hotel to find lots of delegates gathered in the bar fuelling themselves for the walk to supper. A quick wash and we joined them- for the walk not the drink- and later enjoyed Weiner Schnitzel and potato salad, local white wine, having our picture taken with a large stuffed bear and admiring a pair of authentic flapped leather shorts which was mounted on the wall.

Day 2 started with a swim and an excellent breakfast followed by a taxi ride into the city centre to check out the top food stores. Personal food favourites included Mozart Balls in a liquid form and ‘Sensitive’ yoghurt.

Lunch was malted coffee, ‘Malzkaffee’ and ‘Gerostete Knodel mit Ei und Hauptelsalat’ which didn’t really live up to its linguistic promise but fuelled me for the work to come.

Then back to the Embassy to Meet The Buyers. They came from all over Eastern Europe and I very much enjoyed talking to them about Halen Môn sea salt. The highlight, though, was watching my neighbours, Hawkshead Relish, offering the British Ambassador some Ferrero Rocher on a silver salver. Needless to say, he wasn’t amused.

The next day started in much the same way, then off to the Embassy through swirling snow for the second session. Good meetings and promises to stay in touch, then the start of the desperate journey home.

Lulled into a false sense of security from the lack of, well, security on our way out, we had allowed ourselves 45 minutes to catch the shuttle. Sadly we spent a considerable time going through the 3 checkpoints including having our photos taken and removing most of our clothing, and despite heroic efforts, looking like middle aged Charlie’s Angels as we puffed our way through the impossibly labyrinthine corridors, we missed the deadline for the shuttle, only to learn, as we collapsed wheezing and damp, that it had been cancelled anyway.

Another plane journey and long drive through heavy rain and that was the end of my Austrian odyssey with just the exotic sounding companies full of Zs and Xs to follow up.